Five ways to resolve the Minnesota Senate recount debacle
1. Thumb wrestling while treading water in Lake Calhoun. Winner receives Senate seat. If both drown, Amy Klobuchar becomes grand dictator of Minnesota, receives imperial zeppelin and extra staff.
2. Field day with teams made up of candidate plus campaign staffers, set at the Metrodome and open to the public (priority obviously given to Lizard People supporters). Events should include sack race, tug-of-war, and a climactic Red Rover showdown. Winning team receives Senate seat. Losers must live at the Metrodome forever–like Mole People, only above ground.
3. Butter sculpture contest, judged by special election (no absentee ballots allowed). Winner receives Senate seat. Loser eats butter sculpture. At the Metrodome.
4. Minnesota gives up state status, becomes eleventh province of Canada. Minnesota receives free health care, ceremonial monarchy, and awesome new flag. America loses Minnesota, weeps.
5. Jesse Ventura punches both candidates in the face. Jesse Ventura receives Senate seat.
Entry filed under: dumb.